If I can do it, you can do it.

20 June 2016

Hello my little dumplings, me again.

Today i am going to be talking about how over 2 years, with the right people, changed my life for the better.

Last September (2015) I went on holiday with my mum, nan and boyfriend to Cala D'Or, Majorca. At this point I had been with Jack for 8 months. As you all know from my introduction i am pretty much scared of everything (I'm not joking).



On one day of the holiday we went to the beach (Cala Gran). My mum, Jack and I rented one of those pedal boats with the slides on. I was really nervous and anxious about this as I'm so scared of the sea. So when we got far enough out to jump/slide off, Jack encouraged me to jump into the water off this boat. I was a bit sceptical but my mum also encouraged me to do it. At this point my stomach felt like it was about to fall out my bum with anxiety and all the worst case scenarios were playing over and over again in my head. I kept making excuses to not get in the water. I finally gave in and jumped off the boat, this was the worst mistake I had ever made!! As soon as i got in the water and didn't know what was under me and couldn't feel the bottom, I started having the biggest panic attack of my life, hyperventilating, shaking, crying so much my goggles started to fill up with tears, pretty much drowning. I was clinging on to the boat and I wouldn't let go for anyone (felt a little like i was on titanic, if the titanic was a pedalo). Jack, with alot of patience and hard work, finally got me to let go of the boat and doggy paddle in the water. He tried to get me to float in the salt water by laying on my back with my arms and legs out, not in a million years mate. I was getting back on that boat as fast as I possible could.



Few days later of this holiday we went back to the beach to go for swim and jump off the rocks. We had made a few friends on the holiday at this point and they came too. So I dipped my feet in, went in up to my hips, then up to my shoulders and next thing I was out of my depth. Still panicing, as usual, but I calmed myself down by borrowing some goggles to see what was underneath me, so that I knew.

At this point I had conquered my fear of the sea, but there was NO WAY I was getting back on that pedalo. I felt so proud, so happy in myself that I had finally done it, I was swimming out of my depth in the sea!!

On this holiday I also broke through my fear of Parrots. The year previous to this holiday (so 2014) we also went to Cala D'Or. One evening we went to a bar called 'Cheeki Tikki' which had parrots. My nan was desperate to hold a parrot and I was having a panic attack, uncontrollably shaking, that she decided agaist the idea. As soon as we stepped one foot outside the door of that bar I burst into tears. In 2015 when we went again, we went back to the same bar (shoot me). At this time I decided I wanted to hold the small green parrot..I ACTUALLY HELD A BIRD. I had butterflies in my stomach and a big nervous smile on my face, but I did it, I HELD A PARROT.

This year I went on my first holdiay with just Jack to Costa Brava, Tossa De Mar (lets be honest I only booked it for the name). Jack doesn't like laying in the sun to bake like me, he's an activity holiday type of person so I knew this holiday I would be conquering more fears than I could have ever imagined. The day we landed we walked up the castle by the beach and went climbing on the rocks down to the rock pools - a year ago I wouldn't dream of doing this because I would've be worried about slipping and hurting myself.

Yes, that's right I decided to climb rocks in flip flops.



 The second day we found some beach activites and I knew we would be doing one. We decided to do sea kayaking, never in a million years did I ever think I would happily get into a kayak and sail into open water (canoes and kayaks scare me as well, incase I flipped over and drowned). Anyway, I decided I would try it out and I have never experience anything like it before. The views were like something out of a fairytale. The water was crystal clear and extremely calm you could see everything that was underneath the boat, sea urchins, fish, rocks, crabs, JELLY FISH! The only downside to the kayaking was I got extremely sunburnt.

Can you die from sunburn?


Later on in the week we purchased some snorkels, we went right out around the rocks looking at all the incredible fish, which I would have never thought about doing in a million years. I mean last year if a fish came within 2 foot of my body I would scream the beach down and climbing on top of Jack's head he was probably close to drowning - oops. Snorkelling was such a beautiful experience words just wouldn't do it any justice.

We also tried stand-up paddle boarding - the pictures online are so decieving, IT WAS SO HARD!! It doesn't help that we done this on a day where the sea was horrifically choppy and I found it so hard to balance. After falling off a million times, running off the front of the paddle board and swimming a mile to get it, nearly breaking my thumb by crushing it between the paddle and the boad when i fell off... I finally mastered it and managed to stay on the board for a whole 3 minute video.

This is so much harder than it looks, trust me.
The moral of this boring story is that if you're around the right people and you suffer with mental health issues such as anxiety, panic attacks and phobia's, you can always over come them and its such an exhilarating feeling when you do. It is a big step don't get me wrong but when you finally push through that dark shadow that has been controlling you life for so long it is such a good feeling. It gave me such a warm feeling knowing I could do these things and I really had nothing to worry about! Having such an encouraging, supporting and reassuring boyfriend, mum and best friend was a massive help for me as I knew they would be there for me no matter what! When you finally tell/show your family what you have done and they express their proudness of you it really helps!!

If I can overcome my fears, anxiety and mental health, so can you. Go out and do something you wouldn't dream of doing and be proud of what you have done!


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